Mother-In-Love and Daughter-In-Love

Indian entertainment channels, movies have mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fights, cold wars, and struggles as its celebrated themes. A mother-in-law is obviously an ex-daughter-in-law. As a young woman she had to face the powerful mother of her husband, who wanted to further demonstrate and consolidate her power by making her son also to marginalize her. As she becomes mother-in-law she has a bad role model and simply follows that. And also thinks – I suffered and my daughter-in-law should suffer in similar fashion to make it even. A kind of sick mentality as young college boys want to rag as they were ragged by seniors. A mother-in-law does not want her son to emotionally bond with his wife and sees daughter-in-law as rival or even enemy. This attitude has killed peace in the lives of many Indian families. In some cases, the hapless daughter-in-law is sent away or divorced or even killed. In few rare cases, daughter-in-law shrewdly takes the upper hand and banishes fragile mother-in-law to exile (Old age homes). Instead of mother-in-law becoming a 'outlaw' could become 'mother-in-love' so can a daughter-in-law as 'daughter-in-love'.

Alternate role model

In the Bible, we read about an alternate role model in Naomi and Ruth. It is a beautiful story that describes a wonderful human relationship that is selfless and caring. The Book of Ruth tells the stories about three widows. Elimelech along with his wife Naomi and two sons: Mahlon and Kilion migrated to Maob seeking greener pastures. It was a distress migration as there was famine in Israel (Ruth 1:1,2). Even today millions migrate from poorer economies to richer economies. For their sons, Orpah and Ruth – two local girls were chosen as wives. It is amazing to see that Elimelech and Naomi were broad minded and open hearted to accept women from Moab as spouses for their sons. Over the period of ten years, all male members of the family died. Three widows were left to fend for themselves.

Naomi is homesick

Naomi lost all hope in a strange land. Her daughter-in-laws were widows. Away from her home, the culture was different. She longed for her own family members, nation and culture. She heard good news that God has visited Israel and provided them food. So, she decides to migrate again from Moab to Israel.

At cross-roads

Naomi could take the other two women who are widows with her or leave them in Moab itself. To decide between these options, she tells her daughter-in-laws: Go back home and get married again and settle yourselves (Ruth 1: 8). But, both wanted to follow Naomi. Again she repeats the same appeal, with rational argument that they can never get married again if they choose to follow her. Orpah sees reason and returns to her home (Ruth 1;14). But, Ruth decides to follow Naomi by faith rather than reason to Israel making a great statement.

Attitude of adoption

Ruth said, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." (Ruth 1:16,17) First, she will identify herself with her mother-in-law, second with her people Israel and third with her God Jehovah and the Jewish faith. This commitment is for life time as talks about her burial. Many marriages fail because one spouse has superiority complex and treats the other with contempt. Integrating with the spouse, lifestyle, and network of relationships is essential to build great families.

Getting settled in Israel

Naomi and Ruth stir up the people in Israel and everywhere. Naomi shares her story of miserable loss and bitter experiences. Yes, her loss was great that her husband and both sons died in Moab. She wanted her name to be changed as 'Mara' as her life was bitter (Ruth 1:20,21). When she migrated to Moah, she was full and she has come back empty to Israel. Her question and yearning was: Is there any hope?

Ruth takes initiative

In the strange land, Ruth tells her mother-in-law that she would go out, work and earn something. Ruth was not sulking but seeking God's guidance. Food is assured for birds, but they should fly out searching for it. So, Ruth had to launch out in faith. God in His providence leads her to the field of Boaz, where she is given protection and good treatment. Boaz has heard the story of Naomi and had high regard for Ruth for forsaking her nationality, culture, family and belief to adapt to Israel. Naomi also was glad and praised God for his mercies (Ruth 2: 20). Ruth was able to glean and bring food for both the women.

Naomi takes initiative

Their survival needs are met, not they aspire for the next level as suggested by Maslow hierarchy of needs. Now they need safety and also sense of belonging. Naomi sets the stage for it. Naomi addresses Ruth as 'my daughter' (Ruth 3:1). It is a wonderful relationship based on love. In a culture where daughter-in-laws are seen as rivals, competitors, enemies; Naomi looks at Ruth as daughter who is a widow now.

It is very common to see widows treated with disdain and contempt. If this had happened in India; Naomi could have blamed and accused Ruth for 'swallowing up' her husband – Naomi's son and thus bringing misfortune to the family. If she were insensitive women, Instead of calling Ruth as daughter; she would have called as 'dragon', 'devil', 'blood-sucking monster'…what not?

Naomi takes the responsibility to find 'home' for Ruth, which means to organize her marriage. Naomi was broad minded, loving and pragmatic in her approach to life. Naomi could have had Ruth for company for her life time (as two single women moaning and groaning together) rather than sending her off by marriage. But, she was thinking more about young Ruth rather than her own life.

Ruth follows instructions

Naomi provides culturally appropriate tips for 'dating' Boaz. Ruth follows the instructions carefully. Boaz was convinced about Ruth intentions that she needed security and a descendant to carry the name of Elimelech.

Boaz takes initiative

Boaz takes up the matter to the village elders and calls the kinsman redeemer to redeem the property and marry Ruth (Ruth 4); but he refuses as he was not interested in marrying the widow that may jeopardize his family. So, Boaz had the legal and moral right to marry Ruth. They are married (Ruth 4: 13) in the presence of the people of the town. God blesses them with a son who is named as Obed.

God's higher plan

Naomi just longed that Elimelech family name should not be erased from town records (Ruth 4:10). But, God had a greater plan and purpose. The name of Obed was inscribed in the genealogy of Lord Jesus Christ along with Ruth (Matthew 1:5). Obed was the grandfather of the most popular king of Israel-David.

Ruth a woman from Moab-a Gentile nation, a widow is honoured and exalted because of her faith in Jehovah. Naomi was her mentor and coach. Both these great women deserve to be role models in the contemporary world. Ruth must have nursed David as child, telling bed time stories and imbibing the faith, which became the secret of his success.

Challenge

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) Naomi took care of her widowed daughter-in-law as her own daughter and got her settled by marrying Boaz. By doing this simple deed, she was instrument in God's hand to facilitate the First coming of our Lord as Incarnation in this world. Ruth, though a Gentile took care of her widowed mother-in-law and was rewarded for her good deed by being named as one of the five women in the genealogy of Lord Jesus. A simple selfless daily deed brings eternal rewards.