The Ten Commandments were given to the children of Israel, which was covenant between Israel and Yahweh. The covenant relationship had the Ten Commandments as binding code of conduct. Since, marriage is also covenant between a man and a woman, who become husband and wife;; these commandments could be applied for both the spouse. These principles could help Christian families to excel in relationship and bring glory to God.
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. "You shall have no other gods before me. "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. "You shall not murder. "You shall not commit adultery. "You shall not steal. "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." (Exodus 20:2-17)
Summary of the covenant between God and Israel
1. No other gods
2. No graven image
3. No taking the Lord's name in vain
4. Remembering the Sabbath day
5. Honoring father and mother
6. No murder
7. No adultery
8. No stealing
9. No false testimony
10. No coveting
The ten principles for successful, productive, God honouring and God glorifying marriage are detailed below:
1. Primary, supreme and exclusive loyalty to spouse
The first principle in the marriage is primary, supreme and exclusive loyalty to the spouse. And this place is reserved and privileged for the spouse alone. All other persons in the world cannot be compared or equated with that of the spouse. It is an unique dignified exalted status a spouse enjoys from the married partner. There can never be compromise in this aspect. There are few men who give mother this position and relegate the wife to a secondary position. There are few women who give their father an exalted status and relegate the husband to a secondary place. This is sin against God and the spouse.
2. Faithfulness, truthfulness – no substitutes
Israelites were not allowed to make pseudo or substitute gods. They were called to be faithful to Yahweh. Similarly, as husband and wife, they are created to be faithful to one another. Any extra-marital affairs and fantasy thoughts are violation of this principle.
3. Honouring and giving dignity and affirmation to spouse in public and private
Israelites cannot take the name of God in vain. The name is sacred and cannot be used casually with inferior motives and intentions. Giving honour in the public for spouse is very important. Some do not like their spouse to accompany them, as they think the spouse is below their dignity. One woman would ask her husband to drop her at a distance from her office, as she did not want to be identified with her husband was not looking so good and earning much. Many men also mistreat their wives, by not allowing them to accompany them in the public sphere. The self respect and dignity of the spouse should be respected, guarded and affirmed both in private and public.
4. Facilitate adequate time to rest and relax for my spouse.
Both need to work hard, and at the same time have enough rest and relax. It is common for Indian woman to work eight hours outside home, then work at home cooking and taking care of children. Husbands do not help their wives at home. In fact, women work more hours than a man which is shame for men. But, they think, doing house hold work is shame or below their dignity. Allowing spouse to adequate rest, creating opportunities to relax, planning to take spouse out, and creating opportunities to purse his/her hobbies are important.
5. Healthy relationships with parents, parents-in-laws and other relatives.
By biblical definition, marriage is companionship and partnership between a man and a woman. It is not alliance between families or business houses and political dynasties. Some families want their children to be married within the circle of their relatives to retain the clout or influence or wealth within the family. But, that is not the purpose of a family. Some like to establish business partnership by having marital relationship. This violates the sacred relationship of a husband and wife. Solomon married women as strategy for foreign diplomacy, which ended his spiritual relationship with the Lord. Many marriages are destroyed by parents-in-laws rather than misunderstanding between the spouses. Unhealthy and unwarranted criticism of parents-in-laws and unlawful interference of parents-in-law can bring stress in family life.
6. No hatred, No unforgiving anger, No destructive anger, No envy, No uncontrolled emotions
Murder is the expression of uncontrollable emotions triggered by hatred or anger or envy. Some men are not able to tolerate the growth of their wives in their respective profession. One woman lawyer was killed by her lawyer but not loyal husband because of professional envy. Marriage relationship is not power play, with the goal of discovering who wins. It is a united effort to build the family, to nurture children and bring glory to God. Many young women are victims of greedy men and their families – dowry deaths. When wives do not bring huge dowry and continuously bring money in, they are hated and harassed. Any form of violence against spouse is suicidal and dishonouring God.
7. Sexual faithfulness in physical life as well as thought life
Husband and wife should have close physical relationship. Healthy sexual relationship is a must for dynamic couples. Depriving one other of this, is not good. God has provided this gift for intimate relationship, emotional stability, pleasure and fulfillment. Lord Jesus Christ has warned about 'thought adultery'. (Matthew 5:27,28)
8. Community of property with room or gift for privacy
As couples, most of the things become common, but with respect for other persons privacy. There could be some things or aspects a spouse would like to keep it for themselves, which is perfectly alright. Trying to provoke the other by trespassing into those exclusive areas is being mean to the spouse. Selfishness has to be replaced by sensitivity and sacrifice.
9. Truthful and transparent communication
The communication between husband and wife should be truthful and transparent. They should be able to share their fears and feelings without being condemned or judged. That would provide the sense of security, belonging and self worth.
10. Contentment: No greediness or covetousness.
Enjoying life with his wife (Eccl 9:9) is a blessing God provides for a husband. And they should learn to be content with all the blessing God provides. Being thankful for God's provisions and managing their family within their income, and also helping those who are poorer than them is very important.
Challenge
The Ten principles for healthy marriage should be strictly followed in letter and spirit to experience heaven on earth. Violating these principles are self-destructive and could break families.
